If citizens of the United States thought they’d seen the last of Selina Meyer in office, they have another thing coming—at least in her falsified mind.

Time-hopped one year ahead of this past season five finale that saw Meyer defeated by Laura Montez in the Presidential vote by the House of Representatives, Meyer proclaims (solely to her inner circle) her intent to run again for President, of which draws the wholehearted  support of—absolutely nobody.

More on that in a minute.   Season six begins with Selina interviewed on the CBS morning show by her former Deputy Director of Communications Dan Egan, who’s slanting for a permanent gig as co-host on the show.  Pressed (calculatedly) by Egan on some of Selina’s Presidential pardons before leaving office last year, she changes the narrative by declaring her “Meyer Fund for Adult Literacy (and also Aids) charitable foundation.  She also discloses a half-truth that she’s been working, feverishly on a memoir from her time as the first FPOTUS (of which she literally hasn’t written a sentence yet and received a mere miniscule in publishing advances compared to other former Presidents).

To the surprise of no one, Gary has remained loyal to Meyer while Richard is her official assistant.

As for the others:

Jonah Ryan got testicular cancer, beat it and despite being in remission secretly continues to shave his head because “people liked it, and he even got four and a half handies out of it.”

The aforementioned Dan, who wants the co-hosting gig until he finds out the main anchor has a reputation for destroying thriving careers.  Dan then intentionally attempts to sabotages his interview with Jonah, but after a string of masked insults that sees the congressmen walks off the set, CBS producer (played by Andre from “The League”) says it’s great TV and people love it.

Ben has a job working in the executive offices at Uber but a run of unbeknownst (to him) racially insensitive remarks sees him get fired.

“Bunch of dumb-ass millennials, too lazy to learn how to drive drunk” – Ben on Uber.

Kent’s now working for Jonah, seriously.  He’s insulted by Ohio congressmen Ralph Furlong, who says “How the mighty have fallen. You want me to call a Japanese porn shoot see if I can get you a real job sponging up from cock parties, although you might have to lie about working for Meyer.”

Amy’s living in Nevada and running the gubernatorial campaign for Buddy Calhoun, of whom she’s also engaged to and apparently has a fetish for getting off in bed to political pillow talk.

Mike, the former Director of Communications for Meyer is a stay-at-home dad to three children, including an adopted Chinese girlwho doesn’t acknowledge him as her dad.  He’s wanted for a job by Selina solely because he’s in possession of a diary he kept while she was President, but the terms are that he won’t get paid until her book is eventually (if ever) published.

Back to the action…

After calling a family meeting, Selina announces her intention to run, which sees her daughter (Catherine) burst into tears…and not in a reassuringly good way.   She thinks it’s a bad idea, as does her now-wife/entruster of her finances after Grandma left everything to her upon her passing last season (Marjorie), her sketchy former Vice President Andrew and even Gary, who says nothing but his face communicates that it’s a terrible idea.

At the conclusion of the premiere, Ben is able to knock some sense (tho probably ultimately not not) into Selina by letting her know she won’t have the party or donor support for any Presidential run and that he’s going to take a job with Kent.  Selina says she’s only talking hypotheticals (lies) and offers him a role on her charitable board for Adult Literacy (and Aids), one he accepts.

BEST QUOTE
“I didn’t think it was possible to look more like a giant cock, but I guess it’s true what they say—you are what you eat.” – Dan to Jonah

MoranAlytics Grade:  A solid 9 out of 10.  Julia Louis-Dreyfuss is not only back, but better than ever.  This is arguably the show’s best season premiere yet.

This is the third of a six- part series Power Ranking all 185 episodes of The Office.  Part four (90-61) will be posted tomorrow. See links at the bottom for previous entries (185-151 and 150-121).

I’d also like to take this opportunity to announce these power rankings re just the start of things when it comes to The Office here.  After this I’ll be soon launching a semi-recurring segment on my Moran-Alytics Podcast called “The Finer Things Club.”  I’ll have a rotating panel of segment guests— sports media folk, athletes and other personalities who are fans of the show to talk about specific seasons, episodes, moments, characters, plot lines and much more.

I’m over the moon excited about starting that project soon.  If you’re a fan of The Office or know people who are, trust me now’s the time to subscribe to the Moran-Alytics Podcast  on Apple Podcast/iTunes, for free of course.

Here’s my five primary takeaways from Smackdown Live last night in Birmingham, Alabama.  If you want match-by-match results or expert full commentary you’re barking up the wrong tree.  These are simply five takeaways of mine based on the show:

♦ In general I’ve liked Smackdown Live more than Raw for some time but must admit I’m starting to tire of the former’s direction of late. It feels like Smackdown’s spinning its wheels in mud.  I’m just about over Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan taking turns making unfair matches involving Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn and the rising dissention between GM and commissioner. Unlike the slow burn of a Jason Jordan full heel turn I’m simply not into Shane vs. Daniel pissing contests. Wake me up when/if Bryan’s ever cleared to wrestle and they can settle their beef in the ring.  Until then, let’s get on the same page, boys—your shit’s getting old.

♦ I also, and this stretches to Raw as well have a problem with the Royal Rumble build.  Look, the Rumble is one of the elite PPV’s and doesn’t need to spend much time structuring other programs, especially when you add a Women’s rumble match.  Yet both shows and particularly Smackdown are spending an awful lot of time advancing storylines that don’t involve the rumble match(s).  This is literally the one time of year where none of that is necessary.  Make me believe Randy Orton or Shinsuke Nakamura can win the Rumble because for one PPV per year I don’t care about the Uso’s vs. Gable and Benjamin.

♦ I can’t make sense of or find a single benefit of having Breezango go over on Rusev Day.  Breezango literally never has to actually win a match while Rusev (and Aiden English) need victories to show they’re more than gimmicky advancement talent.  Then again, maybe that’s all they’re supposed to be.

♦ Heel Chad Gable is the best Chad Gable.

♦ Becky Lynch tapped out Riott Squad leader Ruby Riott. It’s pretty apparent the shine is gone from that faction.  Good, because I didn’t like the way they came on the scene in the first place.